BDSM......what, where, why and how
BDSM or kink is often brought up and with the new 50 shades movie about to launch I am sure there will be more people curious. This will be a brief explanation and there are some great books to read, fetlife is a good website to learn more and connect with people and find out about play parties and munches (a meet and greet in a public place, often for a meal and a chance to chat and get to know people)
As you can see above when broken up the letters are actually like this: BD, DS, SM
BD- bondage and discipline
DS- dominance and submission
SM- sadism and masochism
Bondage and Discipline
Just what it says, bondage is restraint with ropes, chains or whatever you have handy while discipline can be impact play such as flogging and whipping or any other form of discipline as negotiated, with limits and safewords
Dominance and Submission
This is about power exchange and power play and quite explanatory, one person dominates while the other submits, all this is negotiated with limits, both soft and hard discussed and agreed upon and safewords
Sadism and masochism
This is about giving and receiving pain, the sadists gives and the masochists receives, once again this is negotiated between those involved with limits and safewords.
You will see that all aspects include negotiation and in some cases even a contract, limits are discussed (what you are willing and not willing to do) and the most common safe words are green (this is good, I enjoy this, keep going), yellow (maintain that level, do not go any harder) and red (stop right now). When playing where you are unable to speak (using a gag) then a sign is used, that the person giving can see and know what the receivers wishes are.
The key words when talk BDSM are SAFE, SANE and CONSENSUAL(SSC) and sometimes RISK AWARE CONSENSUAL KINK (RACK). It is important to keep this in mind when negotiating and playing:
SAFE- always play safely taking precautions to ensure that there is no permanent harm (physical or psychological)
SANE- be aware of risk, do not play under the influence of substances
CONSENSUAL- consent is sought in neogtiation and throughout play and play can be changed at any time by the use of safewords
RAK is self explanatory: when you play you are aware of the risk and engage in play consensually
The person who is on the receiving end of the play always has control of the situation, through what was previously negotiated and their safewords.
So if you are thinking of getting out there and engaging in BDSM or kink play then educate yourself, pop onto websites where you can learn and chat, attend a play party and see what you think and above all.....have fun
For more information check out Lifestyles and Sexual Practices
Richelle has had a passion for sexuality and sexual health since 2001. She has worked in the field since 2006, providing sexuality education in schools, and adult education in the topics of diverse sexualities and gender identities, LGBT health issues, sexual health and LGBT relationships.
This is a space for me to share with you my journey as a Sexologist, the things I learn and the people I meet and what I think and feel along the way.