I often have some interesting stuff in my inbox and I would like to share this gem from Isiah McKimmie
Heads up: I’m about to bust the biggest myth I hear around relationships and intimacy.

We often have a belief that we ‘should’ just have a great relationship. Because… everyone else does, right?
I don’t need to tell you that’s not really the case.
The truth is: Great relationships are something that we learn - they’re skills.
We learn about relationships from our culture, parents and early caregivers.
What we learn as children about relationships form what we might call ‘our Relationship Blueprints’ - or ‘Attachment Style’ if you’re the science-y type.

Some of us are lucky enough to learn by seeing our parents have a healthy relationship (and if that’s you, congratulations), but honestly, most of us don’t have ideal role models when it comes to relationships!
The result of not having great role models is that you:

• Keep attracting the ‘wrong’ partners
• Continue having the same arguments over and over
• Find yourself stuck in a toxic relationship
• Feel distant or disconnected from your partner
• Or just *know that your relationship could be better

That’s because (whether they meant to or not) your culture and early care-givers taught you:

• One person is ‘in charge’ in the relationship
• Your job is to try to keep other people happy
• People can’t be trusted
• Shouting is the only way you can get a point across
• It’s not okay to share your feelings and emotions
• Or a bunch of other things that just aren’t true - or helpful.

Whatever unhealthy pattern or challenge you’re experiencing in your relationship, there’s a reason.
And let me promise you that reason isn’t because there’s something wrong with you.
You’re not broken. You’re not a lost cause.
Trust me on this, please.
Having great relationships is a skill that we learn just like anything else. Whatever our relationship status or stage of life.
What it takes is understanding what we learned in the first place and then taking steps to learn new skills.

Here’s 3 questions to help you begin to understand what you learned about relationships growing up - your ‘Relationship Blueprints’.

1. What was your parents relationship like when you were really young?
(Think about how they communicated, who made the decisions, how affectionate they were to each other.)
2. What were your relationships with your parents like growing up?
(Were you closer to one than the other? Was one (or both) of your parents absent? How did they communicate with you?)
3. What patterns do you notice when you look back on your past relationships?
(Have you had the same arguments or the same feelings in numerous relationships? Do your relationships end for the same reason? Does your current partner do something that a previous partner did that just drives you crazy?)

So a week post V Day, here are some tips from the lovely Dr Patti Britton

Whether you are a fan of the Cupid story—if you believe in the arrows of eros hitting their mark on February 14th or not—love, if not pure erotic energy, is in the air for the middle of the shortest month of the year. February is that time when fragrant pink roses, aromatic wax candles, fine Belgian chocolates, sappy red hearts, sweet silly cards, and magical expensive dinner dates abound.

Maybe it’s time for you to focus on finding romance for yourself:  Alone or with a beloved.
Here are some tips if you are single and haven’t yet met Mr/Ms/M Right yet; or if you’ve been with your partner for a few decades and want to honor that commitment and get grooving back into those warm lovin’ feelings:

1. Derive joy in the sheer fact that so many people are celebrating a whole day focused on LOVE. Find a person or any living being (maybe your cute little dog) to shower with love and treat them to something special. A Valentine’s message on their voicemail, a gif of flying doves on their smartphone, a tasty bone (for your cute little dog), a dinner at your local high-end eatery, or a double-strand diamond bracelet!
   
   
2. Love is a state of being—I often call it a verb, not a noun. It is not merely an exchange of a box of fancy gooey chocolates or a pretty ring to show affection. Find a way to express your love to yourself or at least one other person today in creative new ways that show you care. Maybe pay their health club membership for one month, treat them to a tantric workshop, take a single friend to lunch at a local café and pay for everything including parking, give to charity in the name of Love, or create your own version of a sacred ritual to show real love to your sweetie. Even doing things that cost nothing can pave the way for romance all night long. (Think, erotic vacuuming in the buff?)
   
3. According to myth, Cupid’s arrow flung from his bow as follows:
   One of the arrows that Cupid is supposed to have fired from his bow, caused the person it struck to fall in love. Where in your life have you been struck by such an arrow? Ask yourself what can you learn from that event or experience that feeds you now?
   
4. Plan on how you can create a monumental day or event of self love: Will you buy yourself a new high tech vibrator (check these out) or order a delectable Hot Chocolate Lava Cake from your favorite baker to ignite the nose, open up the tastebuds and warm your gut? Feeling sensations of pleasure throughout the body often leads to being open to shared love. Feel the gratitude for what you can give and receive.
   
   
5. As to the origins of Valentine’s Day? Hang on, you may not believe this—Google says: “A pagan fertility ritual was held in February each year and the Pope abolished this festival and proclaimed 14 February Saint Valentine's Day, thus establishing this feast day on the Catholic Calendar of Saints. The poet Chaucer in the Middle Ages was the first to link St. Valentine with romantic love.” So here’s a crazy idea; why not read aloud or listen to a version of The Canterbury Tales with your mate or with a group of friends, especially the naughty rowdy tales that were banned, such as The Miller’s Tale. Then regale yourselves with ribald laughter. A glass of bubbly will help the time pass and oil the joints of your social encounter.
   
6. Don’t fret or worry or hold a private pity party if you are alone. Many of us, myself included (sigh) feel terror about spending VD alone. Find someone who needs us, who wants to share our company, or find a place to go to honor yourself as a perfectly lovable person. New movies, new music, new wine to taste, new charitable events, whatever it is that moves you to feeling connected to the human family, do it! And thank Saint Valentine for the idea!