Well uni is back and I am on placement with a wonderful sex therapist and a local relationship counselling service and studying statistics for my research next year.
It is fun and exciting to be on placement and with like minded people, learning new things, observing groupwork and presenting in my area of expertise to other professionals. But on the other side is statistics, not so much fun, like learning a new language, confusing and a real struggle. This is the second time I have attempted this subject and I am feeling very negative emotions about my capacity to understand the concepts I am being presented. This is unusual for me, I love learning new things and I am confused about my struggle and reaction to learning these concepts.
Have you ever felt like this in areas in your life? Confused, bemused, feelings of incompetency and possible self fulfilling prophecies of failure filling your head....this is not like me, where is this coming from, why am I not up for this challenge when I am up for many others?
This has led me to process where this is coming from, what are the core beliefs this is bringing up....possibly some time in my distant past when I was told I was not good at or could not do..... this, or that, or something else.
Those messages we are given when we are younger, by family, friends, school, church, workplace or society will inform our values and our sense of self. Many years later we may see things differently and then out of left field something will occur that will take us back to that place of doubt, worthlessness and confusion, echoing those messages from long ago.
So how do we deal with these old core beliefs that can inform how we react today?
Firstly we need to work out what that little voice inside is saying to us, what old message are they repeating that we had forgotten was there.
Once we work out what the core belief is that is behind the feelings....."I cant do maths"......"I am not good at understanding new concepts"...what ever it may be......it is time to look at other times when we have done these things, or things that are similar, well.
So, I have learnt new concepts in the past, I have done OK (maybe not brilliantly, but OK) in maths, so this belief is not really based in fact now, maybe at some time in the past it was true but things have changed.
Do I want to hold onto this belief if it is not true, of course I don't.....time to let it go, time to stop letting it get in the way of what I am going to achieve.
We all have the capacity to fall back into those old core beliefs and we also have the capacity to overcome them. Whether it be study, work, relationships, sexuality, identity or anything in our lives....we can move forward and embrace new challenges, ideas, and ways of being.
That is what I plan to do.....what about you?
Richelle has had a passion for sexuality and sexual health since 2001. She has worked in the field since 2006, providing sexuality education in schools, and adult education in the topics of diverse sexualities and gender identities, LGBT health issues, sexual health and LGBT relationships.
This is a space for me to share with you my journey as a Sexologist, the things I learn and the people I meet and what I think and feel along the way.