This week I attended a conference to present a workshop on navigating online dating. So many connections are made online today, dating sites, websites, social media, apps like Tinder, Grinder, or Brenda. How do we navigate the profiles, are people real and how do I sell myself?
The workshop will look at creating your profile, and working out what you want from a partner and a relationship. Many of us have gone into relationships without really knowing the other person or what we want, we all have expectations but we often do not make these clear in the beginning and a few weeks, months and sometimes years in we realise that this person or relationship is not what we want or need.
So how do we write a profile? It is hard to talk about ourselves without sounding wanky, we rarely talk about our positive qualities, when asked about ourselves we are quick to talk about the negative.
So the first step in the workshop will be to write a product description about ourselves, our qualities, values, interests, likes, dislikes, looks, feelings and thoughts. Sell yourself.
Step two….write a selection criteria for your ideal partner, their looks, thoughts, feelings, values, interests and qualities. Now let’s do a traffic light process, look at the ones that are vital (green), the ones that would be nice to have but not vital (yellow), and the things that you don’t want at all in a partner (red).
Step three…..go through the same process as step two but this time write a selection criteria for your ideal relationship, how much time would you spend together would you have shared interests or friends, what things would you do together, will you live together, have a ceremony or make some kind of commitment (and what would that look like), would you be monogamous or non-monogamous (and what would that look like). And once again go through the traffic light process.
And don’t forget to consider sex throughout this, what do you like, not like, will never do, what is ok and not ok.
Having done this you are then quite sure about what you want and need in your life and less likely to, fall into a relationship with someone who is not right for you or settle for less than you deserve.
When we know who we are and what we want and need, then the world is our oyster….online and in real time…..put yourself out there and have a blast.
Richelle has had a passion for sexuality and sexual health since 2001. She has worked in the field since 2006, providing sexuality education in schools, and adult education in the topics of diverse sexualities and gender identities, LGBT health issues, sexual health and LGBT relationships.
This is a space for me to share with you my journey as a Sexologist, the things I learn and the people I meet and what I think and feel along the way.