Last week I talked about some things to consider when creating your profile for online dating. In the days after I was talking about this with others and exploring how we work out what type pf person would be our perfect partner (in a dream world), the things we do and don’t want in this person and the choices we have made in the past, the types we have dated and how this has, or has not, worked for us.
Many people will talk about the ‘type’ that they are attracted to and wonder why all of their relationships have gone the same way, I often suggest looking at what are the similarities in those people and relationships that have not worked for them and to consider why they chose that type of person…….maybe it was time to reconsider the type that are attracted to.
Today I read some interesting tips about the people we choose as partners written by Bere Blissenbach, this resonated with me so and I will share it with you all:“Here are some ideas for how you can open yourself up to potential soulmate who may not be your type:
2. Explore what it is about your type that hasn’t worked for you in past relationships.
Often, a great strength in some circumstances can be a limitation in another. For instance, someone who can appear like an exciting first date, such as an emotionally unavailable person, may not be reliable and stable. If you feel a strong compulsion to be in a relationship with someone before you even know them, this may be reflective of projections, unhealed emotional wounds or trauma.
3. Check your preferences by going on a date with someone who is not your type.
If you always go for the same type (and haven’t yet found the love you want), it might be time to try something new. Think of it like being in a restaurant and ordering your favourite dish which looks good to you. If it also always causes you indigestion, you might eventually decide to try something else instead.
When you go on a date with someone who is not your type, you also have the potential to learn more about yourself. It’s possible that things you thought you didn’t like in a partner you actual do like now.
4. Pay attention to the subtle qualities in someone who is not your type as these can make a big long-term difference.
Things like a kind heart, deep listening skills, emotional vulnerability or reliability aren’t necessarily the things that make our heart race at first. And yet they are the qualities that can nurture our hearts in the long term. If your date is displaying any of these subtle qualities, it can be helpful to pay attention to that.
5. Keep your eyes on the prize—a person your soul can be happy with.
It’s also important to remember that the point of this exercise is not to find someone to settle with. It’s not to convince ourselves to end up in relationship with someone whose personality goes against our nature, just because they have some redeeming qualities.”
When we continue to do the same thing and expect different results we are really just fooling ourselves, sometimes it is important to step outside the box and try new things, that include a the people we choose as partners.
Richelle has had a passion for sexuality and sexual health since 2001. She has worked in the field since 2006, providing sexuality education in schools, and adult education in the topics of diverse sexualities and gender identities, LGBT health issues, sexual health and LGBT relationships.
This is a space for me to share with you my journey as a Sexologist, the things I learn and the people I meet and what I think and feel along the way.